Category Archives: Divorce & Legal Separation

Once you found some dubious texts from another female on their phone – they came clean about what happened when they were away for a few days. Perhaps, a friend has dropped some hints. There is no question infidelity is a very traumatic and emotional experience. Some couples rebuild trust and move forward in their relationship but that requires a very thorough examination of what happened and why. Sometimes, it is best to bring the relationship to a close.

Following infidelity, many people both find themselves feeling love for each other and they realize the value of such lobe. Afterall, we all make mistakes, correct? Statistics suggest over twenty percent of men cheat and nearly fifteen percent of women cheat as well. However, these numbers do not lessen the emotional impact of being betrayed. This damage may be a good enough reason to end the relationship.

Reason 1. Dragging it Out Of Them

If you suspected they were cheating, rebuilding trust may be a very difficult thing to do – especially if your partner has previously denied they were having a relationship with someone else. Their lies to cover up their footprints often add other problems to the emotional state of the partner who did not cheat.

Reason 2. Old Habits

A study from 2017 drew the conclusion people are three times more likely to cheat in the future if they cheated in their first relationship. Does this mean it is a habit? Certainly, if they cheated in a previous relationship and are now cheating in their current relationship – it is obviously not a good sign. If they have cheated before in their current relationship with you, it may mean the relationship has no future. It is reasonable to ask if your partner will make the same mistake again. You may want to ask them in a straight-forward manner regarding their infidelity – this gives them the opportunity to spill the beans and you can plan your future. Trust can be rebuilt over time – if both parties are committed to doing so and that is something that needs to be considered. Cheating does not need a justification, but there may be factors that influenced the decision to cheat and they need examining.

Reason 3. Shattered Trust

Is it better when the partner who has committed the infidelity comes clean and confesses what they have done or finding out by catching them in the act? Often the lying is more important then the cheating. If you had to find out through messages, emails or texts, even from face to face conversation with other people, the blow may be very hard to take indeed. Would you have not discovered had you not looked or been told? IS there something else you have not been told?

Reason 4. Not Feeling Happy With Yourself

Insecurities can suddenly rise to the surface when you discover your significant other has cheated. Questioning yourself and your virtues and behavior is not helpful. There are many reasons why the person who cheated made that decision. The truth is it has zero to do with you. They made the decision. It is possible the insecurity of your partner led them to cheat because they need to see themselves as desirable. When you are at the stage that your own view of yourself has been badly damaged – it may be for the best to move on without this relationship in your life. You may discover some qualities have come to the surface that are not the best aspects of your personality such as jealousy. In these cases, you need to take care of yourself primarily so you can heal. Explaining this to your partner may assist in lessening the impact of the insecurities you feel.

Not all relationships need to end when infidelity appears. Cheating is often a sign that something else may be not right in the relationship and you have to decide whether it is worth persevering with the relationship.

Of course, it is understandable if the relationship and the hurt you feel cannot be repaired. Without a doubt you deserve someone in your life who you can trust Communication is key and may lead to the rebuilding of trust. Sometimes professional help like a therapist who specializes in working with couples may be helpful.

Source: Strong, Rebecca. “Why You Should Consider Leaving A Partner Who Cheated – Even If You’re In Love.” Elite Daily, Elite Daily, 25 Sept. 2018, www.elitedaily.com/p/should-you-leave-a-partner-who-cheated-4-reasons-to-consider-calling-it-quits-11988151.

When your marriage ends it is a highly personal experience. Many of your friends may offer advice on how they did it, but it may not be the ideal way for those involved in your decision. This is something the majority of states understand – therefore there are many methods from an annulment to total divorce with legal separation as an option as well. When you opt for legal separation, there both upsides and downsides. Read on to learn more.

Legal Separation Advantages

While there are similarities between a legal separation and a divorce, here are some of the advantages to legal separation.

• When a couple decide to opt for a divorce, the agreement for separation can be the basis of the divorce separation.
• There may be some tax benefits to filing taxes jointly.
• Assets and debts can be considered as separate entities and property when there is a legal separation.
• You may still be eligible for social security benefits if you remain married and meet the ten-year requirement for such.
• Certain benefits from the military may be retained.
• Health insurance can continue using the benefits of the other spouse. However, you will need to check the conditions of the policy to ascertain what will happen when a couple separates legally.
• Religious reasons may dictate it is best for you both to remain married.
• It allows a couple some time and space to live apart and see if it benefits their relationship or leads down the road to divorce. In addition, an agreement of separation addresses how various matters will be dealt with when the couple are not together.

A legal separation can also provide the groundwork for an actual divorce when the judge comes to decide on the divorce agreement.  Either party, at any time, can “convert” the legal separation case into a case seeking marital dissolution.

Legal Separation Disadvantages

The disadvantages of legal separation can be a little more complicated to explain as one piece of the puzzle may have an impact on another.

Legal Separations And Divorce Complexity

Ironically, a legal separation can take as much time and be as intense as a divorce process as they involve things like allocating assets and debts, and property division. Those who divorce following a separation will then have to do the whole process over again and those who decide to continue their full married relationship often feel as if they have gone through a divorce process to get their relationship back! Furthermore, if certain aspects of the separation cannot be agreed, the only option is to go through the courts, causing greater stress and expense. However, you can choose to do an informal separation, or if it is felt there is very little to no chance of the couple reuniting, proceeding with the divorce process.

The Stresses Of Legal Separations And Divorce

Many couples end up failing in their efforts when they think a legal separation may be a good method to ascertain whether they should remain married. However, the stress it causes often leads to the ruination of the relationship. As we said above, a legal separation is often as traumatic an experience as going through a divorce and the problems it causes can terminate what was already a precarious relationship. It is best to use an informal separation if you want to these those waters. You will have the equal space without the additional stress and problems arising from a legal separation.

Legal Separation May Not Be Needed

Couples often think a legal separation is an essential step in working out where their marriage is going. But more often than not, it is simply not the case. Couples achieve almost all of the same goals by utilizing an informal separation without the additional stresses as well as the commitment and expense of a legal separation. At first glance it may seem as if a legal separation is the only way your marriage may survive but a better barometer of how salvageable your marriage is, is often better judged when an informal separation is in place.

State by State

Legal separation is not something every state recognizes and may go by a different name. For example, in Maryland it is known as “Limited Divorce” while in New Jersey it known somewhat quaintly as “Divorce without bed and board.” However, the legal separation rules are virtually the dame no matter what state you reside in.

Still Married?

In states where adultery is still on the books, for example, in Tennessee and Maryland having a sexual relationship with a new partner falls under their adultery laws. This gives your spouse the chance to file divorce on grounds of adultery and may impact alimony or the division of property. This may even have an impact on your ability to date once again or set up house with someone else. Decrees of Legal Separation means you are still married, and, in those states, they may see a sexual relationship with anyone else as adultery, regardless of the status of your relationship between your spouse and yourself.

Lawsuits

A legal separation may be the way to go if you want to remain married but live separate lives. But some states do not permit your separation decree to become your divorce decree, meaning you will have to go through the entire process once more and of course the expense is at the very least doubled!

Another Option

If you live in a state where judicial separation is not recognized, there are still ways to avoid typical problems if you want to separate legally. Florida is an example; you can obtain a separation agreement and it becomes a contract that is binding once you both sign it. It usually cannot be enforced in a family court but if the terms of the contract are broken, you can go to civil court. Inheritance rights are waived in an agreement like this and later you may be able to include this document into a final decree in your divorce case. This however depends on the state you live in.

Sources

“Legal Separation – What Are the Benefits?” WomansDivorce.com, www.womansdivorce.com/legal-separation.html.

“Advantages and Disadvantages of Legal Separation – Albuquerque Divorce Attorney.” Albuquerque Personal Injury Attorneys, www.collinsattorneys.com/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-legal-separation.html.

Bird, Beverly. “The Disadvantages of a Legal Separation.” LegalZoom Legal Info, 21 Nov. 2017, info.legalzoom.com/disadvantages-legal-separation-27323.html.

DavisMr, Greg. “Legal Separation vs Divorce in Arizona: Which Is Better?” Best Legal Choices, 7 Nov. 2019, bestlegalchoices.com/legal-separation-vs-divorce-arizona/.

Deciding on a legal separation or a divorce is often a tough and emotional choice to make. There are many things to consider and in this post is a list of reasons couples often experience leading to legal separation or divorce. Every relationship is different and there are often difficult legal issues to handle. A divorce attorney is the person who can best educate you with any outstanding legal issues dealing with divorce and legal separation.

Legal Separation Reasons

• When a couple are not sure if they want to go forward with a divorce, a legal separation can be the way to go as the couple may reconcile, this procedure can be taken-back, which is not the case with a divorce and with the advantage of having no reason to get remarried if you just separate, as the marriage has not gone through a dissolution.
• Often couples choose not to divorce to uphold the vows they made on their wedding day, but legal separation can work if they want to live apart from each other.
• If children are involved, there may be a greater emotional impact on them if a divorce goes through so some couples decide to wait until the children are fully grown before proceeding with a divorce.
• When couples have lengthy separations, it allows enough time for the couples to address matters that will be dealt with in the divorce process such as financial issues and property division. The separation often becomes a time where debts and assets can be untangled as the passage of time goes by.

Divorce Reasons

• When a couple have no plans to ever reconcile, a divorce may be the best way to go.
• A divorce may be for the best if one or both partners are heading into different relationships. Especially as some states say that having sexual relations or dating someone who is not your spouse is adultery. State laws vary greatly on this as do the consequences and how they are applied. For these reasons, if one of the partners intends to date, a divorce may be the best option.

State Laws

There are states who have chosen not to recognize legal separation:

• West Virginia and Maryland use the term “limited divorce” for a legal separation.
• Virginia, New Jersey and Rhode Island call it: “Divorce From Bed And Board.”
• Oklahoma, Michigan, Massachusetts, Georgia and Mississippi do not recognize legal separation but have their own procedures to separate assets while maintaining the marriage.
• North Carolina and South Dakota do not have legal separation options. if you live in those states, you have to follow divorce proceedings.

Source: “Choosing Legal Separation or Divorce – Common Situations.” Rocket Lawyer, https://www.rocketlawyer.com/article/choosing-legal-separation-or-divorce—common-situations.rl.

When the relationship between your spouse and you have broken down, there may be a day when you find they have left home and a divorce notice awaits you as you walk through the door. Read on to learn more about the top ten leading reasons for a divorce.

1. Lack Of Fidelity

Lack of fidelity is the leading cause of most marriage breakdowns ending in divorce. There are many reasons why people may cheat on a spouse such as:

• Differences in sexual appetites
• Missing or lacking emotional intimacy
• Resentment
• Anger

Often a simple friendship is the grass root of infidelity. In some circumstances an emotional affair can lead to the affair becoming physical.  Once things get physical, it’s usually game over by then.  It’s not if you’ll be caught, it’s when.

2. Finances

When a couple have different attitudes to money as well as differing financial goals, spending habits and when one spouse makes inordinately more income than the other – the strain of a marriage can be immense and is recognized as the leading reason for divorce after infidelity

3. Communication Skills

If two partners cannot talk in an effective manner, it is a sure recipe for problems. Lack of communication, shouting and vindictive responses and comments all make an impact on a relationship and need to be abandoned if a marriage is to be saved. When it cannot be saved, it becomes a leading cause for divorce. Constructive communication is difficult to commit to, but in some instances, it can saved and change a marriage for the better.

4. Ongoing Arguments

Couples who go over the same ground in arguments over and over often do so because they feel they are not being listened too. The perception that the other person refuses to see the other persons viewpoint can lead to further arguments – and this again leads to divorce.

5. Gains In Weight

If a spouse has gained a great deal of weight, they may become less physically attractive to their spouse. Although it sounds shallow, the gain of weight also impacts self-image and this may lead into less intimacy than before, causing further problems leading to divorce.

6. Expectations

Often people have very high expectations when they marry – often trying to live up to unrealistic dreams. This can cause a large amount of strain to the other partner in the relationship. It is a recipe for failure. And this inability to match expectations with reality is also a cause for the divorce.

7. Intimacy Issues

When emotional or physical intimacy is lacking, it doesn’t always equal a lack of sex but if there is a feeling of one spouse freezing out the other from aspects of their personal life, it can be very difficult to prolong a marriage. That said, sexual relationships are important and not recognizing the sexual desires of your partner often causes great stress in a marriage, ultimately leading to divorce. Intimacy is the responsibility of both parties in a relationship and when worked on can become a great way for a relationship to grow closer.

8. Equality Issues

When one partner feels a lack of equality in a relationship it becomes one of the most popular reasons for divorce, almost alongside a lack of a physical or emotional intimacy. Resentment can build when there is a feeling that one partner in the relationship is contributing more to the marriage relationship than the other. Nearly fifty percent of divorces happen in the opening ten years from their marriage date, but even more so before the fourth and eighth year of marriages, perhaps a manifestation of the stereotyped “seven-year itch.”

9. Not Ready To be Married

When couples look back following the end of their marriage it is quite common to find out both couples (regardless of age) were not ready to undertake marriage, especially with couples in their twenties.

10. Abusive Situations

Regrettably, abuse be it of an emotional or physical nature is part of life. The abuser may or may not always be bad and there are often issues to blame such as emotional issues that can run very deeply. But no-one should have to put up with any form of abuse and removing yourself, if you have been abused should be paramount.

Source: Warren, Shellie, et al. “10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce.” Best Marriage Advice – Get Marriage Tips from Experts, 13 Dec. 2019, https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

Divorce is a painful decision to face and then make but there are times it is the only viable way forward. When considering terminating your marriage, you can look for various signs to decide on when it would be best to divorce. Sometimes there are more consequences of a negative nature by staying rather than leaving. Read on to consider the following.

Severity Of Your Arguments

If there are more positive interactions between you both than there are negative ones, it does not automatically mean a divorce is not needed. Hurtful and severe arguing is a key sign it may be time to get a divorce. Some couples maintain relationships that are unhealthy to both parties because they seldom argue but still exhibit abusive and/or hurtful behaviors that are destructive in the relationship. This is especially the case when arguments are reduced to a series of personal insults as opposed to discussing the topic at hand. Arguing is a normal part of any relationship but it should not be almost an everyday occurrence and the other person should not feel devalued during the argument. When conflicts cannot be restored in a way that sticks to the issue at hand, it is a sign you may need to speak to a divorce attorney.

Counseling Is Not Effective

Marriage counseling can be an awesome way to move forward with your spouse as well as having the great benefit of a third party who is impartial and is trained in bringing about resolutions following disputes. It works for many couples, but most partners have to be invested in the process for it to work. If after a few months of counseling, no progress has been made, it may be a sign of it being time to get a divorce.

Abusive Situations

There is never any acceptable excuse for abuse be it, sexual, emotional or physical. When you have been abused you should not feel bad about deciding to leave your abuser. Your child or children will benefit from not being subject to the abuse, or watching it happen A marriage does not represent ownership of the other person. Nobody can rationally dispute abuse as being a totally solid reason to obtain a divorce.

Negative Interactions

For a long time, psychologists have been in unison that the quantity of disagreements is more impactful in a relationship than the severity of interactions. Their ratio is five positive interactions for every negative interaction. Many people weigh positive versus negative when deciding about divorce. Obviously, if the negative interactions are far outweighing the positive ones and have been doing so for some time, then it can be an indicator you should seek a divorce and seek the advice of a divorce attorney.

Differing Beliefs

Couple need to have shared values for a marriage to be successful even if they have separate and different systems of spiritual belief. When the central values of your relationship are no longer in alignment, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to discover common ground. Looking to the future is often a requirement of divorce and discovering an individual’s concept of the future and ensuring it is agreeable to the other partner is very important. If this cannot be reconciled, it may be a sign a divorce is needed.

Irreconcilable Anger

A good person can commit an action they regret when the pain and anger they’re experiencing becomes too much. This is a clear indicator it is time to move on. If you feel you have to stop yourself from causing harm to your spouse, or even yourself, it is time the relationship was ended. Sometimes, from a mental standpoint, there can seem to be no exit – but you never want to risk abusing your partner.

Lack of Faithfulness

When either or both couples have pursued relationships outside of their marriage, many people see it as a sure sign the time has come to end the marriage. However, divorce is often a matter of choosing the right moment. Marriage counseling may be able to offer insight as to whether you can survive the impact and effects of an affair or whether you should be considering divorce. Trust is sacrificed in a relationship when one party is unfaithful and that often leads to divorce as an inevitable outcome.

Relationship Exhaustion

This is often the sign that clinches in your min d that you require a divorce. Having gone through all the steps to rescue your relationship, sometimes your emotional wellbeing can only be saved by a divorce. However, when a party or perhaps both parties have checked out of a relationship on an emotional level, it becomes highly unlikely you will find an answer to your outstanding issues.

Other Indicators

It is not uncommon for individuals to seek and speak with a divorce attorney before they have decided to divorce. Indeed, it is not unknown for individuals or couples to do so even when going through the process of marriage counseling. This may seem odd but often a divorce attorney can be a highly valued resource for information about how and when to divorce and if a legal separation would work or not. They may even suggest separation on a temporary basis to give both parties some space to consider their options. This often brings couples back together.

Source: Rangel, Julie, et al. “When to Divorce: 9 Signs You Need to Get Out.” GuideDoc, 11 Feb. 2018, https://guidedoc.com/when-to-divorce.