Category Archives: Marriage

Stress and tension are often parts of the divorce process people cope with. But however fraught the process may be, it is essential to avoid making mistakes as the process takes place. Here are some things you must avoid when navigating the divorce process.

Avoid Pregnancy!

Pregnancy adds layers of complications to the divorce process and may even impact your right to a divorce. In some states, there may be laws regarding the timeline a divorce can take place as the paternity of the child may be in dispute and until it can be established there may be no one to assign financial responsibility for the child’s support. It is true several states treat single parents identically as married ones. However, it is definitely a complication that requires careful consideration.

Changing Your Will

Just because you are granted a divorce it does not mean a will is revoked. An update to your will may be required to reflect your new circumstances. Should you become deceased before a divorce is granted and your spouse has been left zero, they may sue in probate to obtain 50% community property portion of your estate.

Collaborative Divorce And Mediation

In areas where collaborative divorce is common, it is generally regarded to be beneficial in the breakup process as issues can be addressed in a team meeting and productive manner.  In contrast to group collaboration, mediation is where a third party assists in bringing an agreement between the two parties going separate ways. Lawyers are not always required in these sessions, though their counsel can be consulted at any time as the process unfolds to ensure you are getting the optimal outcome for your situation.

Relationships With Lawyers

Do not get romantically or sexually involved with your lawyer! In some states, it is prohibited but even in states where it is permissible, you may face a charge of adultery as a consequence.  Do not mix business with pleasure, there are plenty of other viable romantic options out there.

Do Not Blame or Involve The Children!

It is essential a child or children have support through the divorce process. Give them the time and attention they require and help them focus or educational and extra-curricular activities. Over time, they will become more at ease with the new two household circumstance. Ultimately the purpose of a divorce is to relieve stress and move forward and if a child or children can see that over time, they will be able to better cope with the new situation.

Be Open To The Idea Of Therapists

A therapist can help you cope with the whole gamut of emotions associated with divorce. And it is a worthwhile idea to seek out a therapist before you start to feel emotional extremes. A therapist can offer professional help as well coping mechanisms for life as well as the divorce court. They can also help you to work out ways of becoming more independent post-Decree.

Is Waiting Until After The Holidays A Good Idea?

Holidays can be tough times and pre and post-Christmas are often the busiest time of year for divorce lawyers! Fighting a divorce case during the holiday period will only cause more stress and may damage the opportunity you have to achieve a separation that is amicable.  In an ideal world, do not commence your divorce until January.

Taxes

The house often goes to the person who is awarded primary custody of a child or children. But if you cannot afford to pay the maintenance, mortgage, taxes, and other associated costs, it may not be the ideal option.  Sometimes selling the house just makes more sense.  An alternative is to request the equal value in an investment portfolio of the community. Capital gains for single people are not protected from taxes to the same extent as they are for married people. There may also be issues with existing stock positions and it many be a better strategy to opt for freshly purchased stocks as the capital gains taxes will be less of an outgoing expense.

You Don’t Have To Settle Early

Financial security does not have to be sacrificed because you want a quick divorce process. Maintain many copies of your various financial statements so you can be on top of what assets and liabilities you have. You will need to make sure the minor children still have coverage for health insurance on an ongoing basis post-Decree. If this can be worked out between the two parties in an amicable manner, you may be able to move forward with what is known as an uncontested divorce. If this is not feasible, remember to bring all relevant financial documentation so a lawyer can make a correct assessment of your financial situation in advancing your case.

Avoid Debt Accumulation

Divorce is seldom cheap. Once you have dealt with fees from lawyers you will also have the expense of setting up a new household. Economizing and making do for now is the order of the day. Hopefully if you make wise choices now, you will emerge on the other side of the divorce with far less financial damage. Once everything is concluded, you should feel a great deal better about the situation by planning to live within your means.

Source: Zimmer, Jessica. “Top 10 Things NOT to Do When You Divorce.” Legalzoom.com, 25 Apr. 2019, www.legalzoom.com/articles/top-10-things-not-to-do-when-you-divorce.

Agreeing on the issues before embarking on a divorce is the normally the quickest way to ensure swift, plain sailing for your divorce. That is why divorces that are uncontested are not only the easiest and most direct route to take but have the benefits of saving both money and time. Read on to learn more.

Depending on the state you reside in the length of time a divorce may take can vary even when the parties agree on everything. Waiting periods can be up to and including six months in some states from the initial filing of paperwork to the finalization of a divorce and to allow the other side to launch an appeal should they decide to do so. In other states the entire process can be completed in around sixty days. Generally, even in the best circumstances and depending on your location the time to complete the divorce can differ from as few as six weeks to twelve months.

There are several considerations to account for when it comes to the duration of the process:

• Do you have a child or children together?
• Do you both own property?
• Do you both own assets?
• What is the current relationship between you and your soon to be ex-spouse?
• Was there a pre-nuptial wedding agreement?

Divorce courts are also busy and again depending on where you live there may be an extensive backlog of cases waiting to be heard that further delays the entire process. You also must meet the requirements for residency in the state where you are filing the divorce. In some states that period may be six to twelve months. So, this is vital to clarify if you are after a timely divorce process.

How Long Does It Take To Get An Uncontested Divorce In Arizona?

In Arizona it can take as little as sixty days to obtain a divorce decree (though the circumstances in which this is possible are limited as per ARS 25-329) – even so, the average time statewide for divorces that are uncontested to be resolved is 105 days with rimes ranging from ninety to one hundred and twenty days. In circumstances where the concerned parties agree on all the concerning issues, a joint agreement may be taken to the court and filed there. Their agreement can be at the same time or later if there are still some outstanding issues to be addressed. Sometimes, the parties may utilize the services of a mediator for resolution of these matters. If an agreement is reached and submitted to the courts the judge in normal circumstances will sign it in to the divorce decree at the termination point of the waiting period.

Source: Crowley, Jason, et al. “How Long Does It Take to Get Divorced.” Survive Divorce, Survive Divorce, 29 Jan. 2020, www.survivedivorce.com/how-long-does-divorce-take.

The divorce rate has been declining since the turn of the 1980’s. Read on to understand how factors like location, age and social media usage impact divorce statistics. We will also look at the divorce rates of much heralded celebrity marriages and see what can be learned.

Anticipated Surge

At the dawn of the 2020s more people than ever are looking at the internet to seek out options and advice when considering a divorce resulting in a globally increased rate of divorce filing. For example:

• The United Kingdom continues to see a large rise in the number of divorces.
• Australia is seeing requests for divorce increase by 200%.
• Turkey has seen divorce filings increase by 400%.
• China is setting record figures for the number of divorce cases being filed.
• With courts closing in the US, there has been a large increase in people utilizing mediation in their divorce cases.

Divorce Statistics In the US

The idea half of marriages end in divorce was vaunted in the 1980s but research shows a decline in the rate of divorce in the ensuing decades. Not including those who get legally separated, the statistical breakdown is thus:

• First Marriages: 42-45 percent will terminate with a divorce as the result.
• Second Marriages: 60 percent will terminate with a divorce as the result.
• Third Marriages: 73 percent will terminate with a divorce as the result.

Another way of viewing these statistics is:

• 22 percent of women have been divorced at least once.
• 21 percent of men have been divorced at least once.
• 11 percent of women are divorced at the present time.
• 9 percent of men are divorced at the present time.

The age breakdown of those obtaining a divorce looks thus:

• Under 20: Women 27.6%, Men 11.7%
• 20 – 24: Women 36.6%, Men 38.8%
• 25 – 29: Women 16.4%, Men 22.3%
• 30 – 34: Women 8.5%, Men 11.6%
• 35 – 39: Women 5.1%, Men 6.5%

Facts About Divorce

• There are nearly 2,400 divorces every single day in the United States meaning an average of $16,800 divorces each week as well as upwards of 875,000 divorces per annum.
• Eight years is the average length of a first marriage that ends with a divorce.
• During a first marriage, there is a twenty percent chance within the first five years the marriage may end in divorce or separation and in a ten-year time frame that percentage goes up to thirty-three.
• Thirty years old is the average age when couples commence the divorce process.
• Two years is the average duration of time a person considers divorce before commencing the process.
• Around seventy-five percent of people who obtain a divorce will at some point get remarried.
• If they choose to remarry, the average wait time is three years.
• Love can happen again, six percent of couples report remarrying having got divorced!
• Detailed divorce and marriage statistics ceased to be assembled by the US Government back in the mid-1990s, so the data comes from independent researchers as well as the US Census.

Divorce Stats By Region And State

• The states with the lowest divorce rates are Iowa, Illinois, Massachusetts, Texas, and Maryland where between 1.2 and 2.6 of every 1,000 residents are divorced as of 2015.
• The states with the highest divorce rates are Alaska, Wyoming, Oklahoma, Nevada, and Arkansas where between 4.1 and 4.8 of every 1,000 residents are divorced as of 2015.

On a national scale just over 9 out of every 1,000 US residents obtain a divorce per annum. This ranges from a low in the Northeast section of the country for 7.2 per 1,000 men and 7.5 per 1,000 women to a high in the South of 9.1 per 1,000 men and 9.2 per, 1,000 women (all per annum.) The Midwest and Western United States all have figures between 9.1 and 9.2 per 1,000 men and 9.2 and 9.8 per 1,000 women per annum obtaining a divorce.

Politically speaking, states with a greater tendency to vote Republican have higher rates of divorce than states with a greater tendency to vote for the Democrats.

What Is The Likelihood Of Divorce?

The following factors have been shown to increase the likelihood of a divorce:

• Age disparity.
• The more money spent on engagement rings and wedding ceremonies and parties.
• Residing in an area with a high rate of evangelical or conservative Protestants.
• Associations with family members or friends who have recently obtained a divorce.
• You have a higher risk of divorce the more your co-workers are of the opposite sex.
• The younger you move in together and get married the higher the chances of divorce.

The following factors have been shown to decrease the likelihood of a divorce:

• If your parents are happily married, your chance of divorce reduces by around fourteen percent.
• If you have an annual income of more than $25,000 you are less likely to get divorced.
• If you have a baby at least seven months following your marriage the chances you will divorce goes down by twenty-four percent.
• Your chances of divorce fall by thirteen percent if you have attended college.
• You are less likely to get a divorce is you do not cohabitate or marry before the age of twenty-three.

Children And Divorce Statistics

• Sixteen percent of minors are living in a “blended family” situation where they reside with a stepsibling, half-sibling or step-parent.
• Children usually recover from the negative emotional effects of a divorce twenty-four months after the divorce process, though some take longer, and this is especially the case during divorce processed where the parents have a great deal of conflict.
• In over eighty percent of divorce cases the mother becomes the parent the children primarily reside with.

Social Media Divorce Statistics

• Online affairs cause one-third of divorces.
• Facebook is the cause for twenty-five percent of couples to fight at least once every seven days.
• Social media activity of their partner has caused at least one in seven married people to contemplate divorce.
• Twenty percent of people fell unease in their relationship when they find something unsettling on the Facebook account of their partner.

Gray Divorce Statistics

• Gray divorce (a term used for those getting divorced between the ages of fifty-four and sixty-four) has increased four-fold in the last three decades.
• Thirty years ago, only ten percent of divorces were for people more than the age of fifty, but in 2010, it accounted for twenty-five percent of all divorces.
• Nearly twenty years ago only forty-five percent of older Americans thought divorce was morally sound. That had ridden to just short of seventy percent in 2014.
• Match.com has seen the interest of divorce increase nearly forty percent since 2014 in web traffic from users over the age of fifty-five.
• Two-thirds of gray divorces are commenced by females.

Facts About Celebrity Divorces

• A mere $245 million was the divorce settlement paid by Mel Gibson to his ex, Robyn, in 2009. It is generally regarded as the largest celebrity involved in divorce settlement.
• Zsa Zsa Gabor chalked up nine marriages!
• Britney Spears has the dubious honor of the shortest celebrity marriage! A mere fifty-six hours was the length of her relationship with Jason Alexander before they obtained an annulment.
• Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds managed two whole weeks of wedded bliss.
• Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries lasted seventy-two days.
• Michael Jackson and Lisa Marie Presley kept it together for nine months.

If you have the fortune to watch the “Real Housewives” TV franchise – the overall divorce rate is over thirty-three percent with the Real Housewives of D.C. sporting a divorce rate of one hundred percent! The newest entry to the series, the Real Housewives of Dallas have yet to get going in the divorce courts are at the opposite end of the scale with zero percent. Those Real Housewives of Beverly Hills get divorced just under thirty-one percent of the time, while their compatriots in Miami manage to get divorced just under forty-three percent of the time. The Real New Jersey Housewives let the side down a little with a paltry divorce rate of just over eleven percent. But those in Orange County help out with a divorce rate approaching twenty-four percent. However, the Real Housewives of New York, Potomac, and Atlanta, back the assertion the eastern seaboard states are ample for getting a divorce with rates of fifty, fifty and sixty percent, respectively.

Source: McKinley Irvin. “32 Shocking Divorce Statistics.” McKinley Irvin, 7 Nov. 2019, www.mckinleyirvin.com/family-law-blog/2012/october/32-shocking-divorce-statistics/.

In Arizona you have the option for an “uncontested divorce.” Although a divorce is difficult for everyone concerned, an uncontested divorce offers the option to avoid circular arguments between the parties, a great deal of money spent and countless trips to a court. Especially, in situations when both parties can come to agreements on the outstanding issues needed to terminate the marriage. Read on to learn more.

The first order of business is to file a petition for a divorce. The forms differ depending on the county you reside in, but the Superior Court where you are going to file can be contacted for the correct forms. The party who does the filing is known as the petitioner and the other party is called the respondent. The petition needs to include the following:

• Basic information regarding both parties and your child or children.
• The agreements you have reached regarding debt and property.
• Custody of the child or children.
• Support of the child or children.
• Visitation arrangements.

Once the petition has been filed and the payment fees made, there are two options, you can get divorced either by:

• Divorce by default.
• Consent decree.

Divorce By Default

Once the petition has been filed the copy of the petition must be served to the respondent. They have twenty days if they are in Arizona (thirty days if they are outside the state) to respond. If there is no response within this time limit, a default can be requested. As everything has already been agreed, the agreement will be ratified and following a sixty-day waiting period – the divorce order will be issued by the judge. The granting of the divorce by the court is known as a Default Decree of Dissolution of Marriage. The other party must be served with this decree within three days of receipt of the document. Both parties, in front of a notary, sign the consent degree, and then it must be filed at the clerk’s office.

Divorce By Consent Degree

Firstly, the papers must be filed, and the other party served as we mentioned above. Following a wait of sixty days from when the party has been served, both parties are required to jointly file a Consent Decree of Dissolution of Marriage. This sets out agreements regarding the following:

• Basic information regarding both parties and your child or children.
• The agreements you have reached regarding debt and property.
• Custody of the child or children.
• Support of the child or children.
• Visitation arrangements.

This decree needs to be signed by both parties and witnessed by a notary and then file it at the clerk’s office. Once the judge has reviewed the document and signed it, it will become what is known as an order of the court. If both parties have had a child or children together, both parties will have to go to a parent education class once the petition has been filed but before the decree has been entered.

Source: Krause, Beth A. T. “Uncontested Divorce in Arizona.” Www.divorcenet.com, Nolo, 2 Dec. 2013, www.divorcenet.com/resources/uncontested-divorce-arizona.html.

It is possible to get a divorce without making a court appearance. Let’s start with a definition:

• Uncontested divorce: This is where the divorce and the divorce settlement has been agreed upon by both parties.

Of course, this does not mean there may not be disagreements between the parties it simply means the parties have come to an agreement without the need of going to a court and using a judge to provide resolution to issues that are outstanding. It should be mentioned at the outset some states require you to go to a judge as part of the divorce process. But even in those circumstances if you can come to agreements, the court case can be over very quickly. Remember, both parties can resolve everything between themselves or utilize what is known as Alternative Dispute Resolution. Read on to learn more.

Issue Resolution

If both parties can take the time to list out the issues that need to be determined and tackle them together, it is often very helpful and productive. Here are some categories to consider:

• Custody of a child or children
• Support of a child or children
• Spousal or alimony support
• Debt and property division

Once this has been agreed upon, a divorce lawyer can go over everything and assist with a Property Settlement Agreement. This usually includes the terms you have stated as well as any legal clauses. Remember, each party will need their own attorney for this process.

Mediation

Both parties can work on their difference with a professionally trained mediator. When meeting with a mediator and supplying the relevant document and information, you can then meet as needed so a settlement can be determined. Usually this does not cause as much stress and the sessions are often informal and attorneys are not a requirement, unless a party insists on one being there. The cost for the mediator is usually shared between the two parties.

Collaborative Divorce Process

Essentially, this is where the parties and their attorneys take part in what can be described as “four-way conversations” so an agreement can be obtained. Attorneys often have specialized training in this area. And if any additional expertise is required, that person, must be agreed on by both parties and adopt a neutral standpoint. This option is sometimes chosen by parties who are happier with legal representation in the proceedings. But the downside is you may have to start over if an agreement cannot be determined with new attorneys as most states do not permit attorneys to represent a party further should the negotiations fail.

Arbitration

When the parties want someone else to determine issues away from the standard court process when they are unable to come to an arrangement by themselves. The role of the arbitrator is to consider the outstanding issues and makes a determination. Note: this is not an option in every state. The upside is both parties get to choose the arbitrator and you can work on setting the times and length of the sessions. On the downside, the decision made is binding and final and you normally cannot appeal. With complicated situations an arbitrator can also become an expensive proposition.

Court Appearances

Even when divorce cases have been settled, a divorce complaint or petition must still be filed with the court to formally dissolve the marriage. In most states when the divorce is a “no fault” divorce for such matters as “irreconcilable differences” you may not have to attend court. There will be some documentation that will need submitting and this is frequently found on the website of the court. As long as everything is completed properly, the judge in normal circumstances will issue a final judgement. In states where a court appearance is mandatory, once the paperwork has been filed, you can inform the court clerk the case has been settled and they normally will give you a court date sooner. You will be with the judge for around a quarter of an hour to verify the reason for the divorce and go over the agreement.

Source: Pandolfi, Joseph. “How to Divorce Without Going to Court.” Www.divorcenet.com, Nolo, 30 Nov. 2017, www.divorcenet.com/resources/how-to-divorce-without-going-to-court.html.

Source: “FAQ.” Legalzoom.com, www.legalzoom.com/knowledge/divorce/faq.

Spousal maintenance, alimony and spousal support are interchangeable terms describing money that a spouse has been ordered to pay to the other party following a divorce. Read on to learn more.

Spousal Maintenance, Alimony and Spousal Support

Alimony are the monies paid by one party to the other during or after the process of divorce. Once it was known only as alimony. Awarded following a court order, its purpose is to maintain living standards the parties became accustomed to during marriage – it is now more often than not referred to as spousal support or spousal maintenance.

Alimony (Temporary)

This is alimony for a specific time. For example, if the divorce causes a party suffering from financial hardship, temporary alimony may be awarded until the party suffering the economic hardship can recover from a financial standpoint. Temporary alimony differs on its length depending on the state or jurisdiction you reside in.

Alimony (Permanent)

This is alimony to be paid until the one making the payments passes away or the party receiving the payments decides to remarry. In some cases, remarriage does not prevent alimony from being paid. For example, if the recipient is unable to work because of disability, the courts may decide the alimony is to be ongoing even if they live with or get married to a third party. However, alimony is non-taxable to the recipient party.

Alimony (Rehabilatative)

This may be awarded when a spouse needs help with college expenses or job training so they may return to a career (or indeed, initiate a career) following the divorce process. Thus, allowing a formerly dependent spouse to obtain the skills needed to assist them in financial independence.  These maintenance awards can range from 1 to 5 years typically.

Other Considerations

Every state has its own laws regarding spousal maintenance (or however the state refers to it as) but it is worth keeping in mind that individual judges (not a jury) have the right to use their discretion in a judicial manner when they determine such issues. Often, they consider the following:

• Will earning power of a party be adversely impacted because they have a child or children to raise.
• The contribution in the role of a homemaker the party may have made in the career of the other spouse.
• The physical, emotional and mental well-being and age of each party.
• The earning potential of both parties.
• The duration of the marriage.  Marriages under 7 years usually do not even qualify for alimony and marriages of 30 years or more can sometimes generate a lifetime alimony award.

Add in those factors and others they judge may consider all factor in to how much will have to be paid. It is always a smart idea to address spousal maintenance issues during the settlement for the divorce. This offers the judge less power and leaves control in the hands of the two parties concerned insofar it was privately  arranged.

In Arizona

In Arizona, when a party is seeking maintenance from the other one of four things must be proven for them to be awarded financial maintenance.

• The length of marriage was such the party is too great an age to be expected to become self-funding or to be able to work.
• As the custodian of a child or children at a young age, the party should not be expected to work, and the spouse contributed to the education of the other party.
• Appropriate employment to become self-sufficient is not available to the party.
• The party does not have sufficient property to meet their needs.

Source: Meyer, Cathy. “The Different Types of Alimony, Spousal Support, and Spousal Maintenance.” LiveAbout, LiveAbout, 11 Mar. 2018, www.liveabout.com/the-different-types-of-alimony-spousal-support-and-spousal-maintenance-1102807.

Divorce documents can be confusing but every document you will read is important. For example, a court issues a “divorce decree” but your “divorce certificate” is issued elsewhere. Read on to learn more.

Divorce Decrees

A document originating from the court and is the final judgment in your divorce is known as a divorce decree. Information contained includes things like child support, spousal support, property division, visitation, custody and other relevant information to your particular situation. They are normally very comprehensive documents containing all the pertinent and agreed-upon information for your situation including the laying-out of any financial obligations the parties will have. A divorce decree may only be issued by a court – it must be obeyed by both parties and represents the judge’s legal decision.

If you elected to settle your case, the settlement will contain all the terms and conditions. It still represents the final judgement and is indicative of the fact the parties did not use the input of a court. This takes matters away from the judge. In cases, where the settlement is very one-sided, a judge may become involved to work on the settlement terms.

Getting A Divorce Decree Copy

Obtaining a certified copy of the divorce decree can normally be obtained the court clerks office. However, some locations place them in the office of the county clerk. In normal circumstances the divorce decree can only be obtained by their parties involved or their legal representation.  Once the divorce decree has been obtained, you will need to ensure both parties are obeying the terms of the decree. You will also want to make sure everyone is meeting their financial obligations. Once you have the divorce decree here is what you need to do:

• Ensure the accuracy of the decree
• If you have questions, speak to your attorney
• Appeal immediately if following a trial, you are not satisfied with the decision of the judge
• Change the terms of your will
• Update your insurance policies with beneficiaries
• Ensure the school of your child or children has updated information for who to contact in the event of an emergency
• If you have a power of attorney, ensure it is changed
• Ensure all financial accounts are only in your name
• Change or cancel debit and credit cards
• If the other party is violating the terms of the decree, bring them back to court
• If child support or spousal support needs to be updated, bring the case back to the court.

Divorce Certificates

This is not the same as a divorce decree. It is a certificate issued by the bureau of vital statistics or the health department of the state you live in. This document states:

• The fact you are divorced
• The names of both parties
• The date and place of the divorce

A divorce certificate may be used for obtaining a change of name, evidence of a divorce, obtaining a visa for travel, obtaining a passport, to show you are no longer marries for the purpose of inheritance, to get married and any situation when you need to show evidence of your divorce.

Source: “Divorce Decree vs. Divorce Certificate – What’s the Difference?” Legalzoom.com, 26 Sept. 2019, www.legalzoom.com/articles/divorce-decree-vs-divorce-certificate-whats-the-difference.

A divorce decree is the final document in the marriage termination process. It states the judgments and finals rulings of the court and is an official judge signed document. Although every decree is different, the decree has the role of detailing the duties and rights of the parties involved in the divorce case.

Obviously, the importance of divorce decrees cannot be understated because until the decree is issued the process of divorce has not been completed. In circumstances when they are not completed there may be issues with the post-decree possession of property, taxes, debt as well as other legal rights that need to be addressed.

Divorce Decree Contents

Divorce decrees often include:

• Property division agreements
• Alimony or spousal support obligations
• Child visitation, support and custody details
• The financial commitments for both parties

They typically also include the date the decree is effective as well as naming both parties as well as the case number for future reference.

Appeals And Modifications

In the normal course of events, divorce decrees are legally binding for both parties upon issuance. There are, however, some circumstances where a modification motion or an outright appeal may be applicable:

• A modification may be available for certain issues such as custody rights, visitation or financial support obligations. In the majority of cases, property divisions cannot be modified further.
• An appeal will often be very limited in scope, concentrating on errors that may have been made in the lower court’s legal rulings.  Appeals must be requested in very specific terms and the filing deadlines must without fail, be strictly satisfied. Facts of the case cannot be appealed, however issues of law can be appealed.

Divorce Decree Legal Help

Once issued and finalized, a divorce decree cannot easily be changed, emphasizing the importance of considering carefully all the actions you must take during the divorce process. This is why a proven divorce lawyer can capably assist in making sure all the bases are covered before the divorce decree is finalized.

Source: LaMance, Ken. “What Is a Divorce Decree?” LegalMatch Law Library, 7 June 2018, www.legalmatch.com/law-library/article/what-is-a-divorce-decree.html.

Divorce changes many aspects of your life, so careful planning and a levelheaded approach is essential. Read on for some tips to assist in making the best decisions for your future.

Have You Tried Everything?

When you look at your marriage, have you done everything within your power to salvage the relationship? The last thing you want to do is look back in the future and ask yourself if there were issues you should have addressed before proceeding down this road. The whole process, although stressful, will be easier if outstanding issues are addressed before moving forward with your life.

Move Forward With Purpose

Having tried everything and decided to go through the process of divorce, it is time to adopt an efficient and business style approach to the situation. Of course, there will be a whole gamut of emotions you will digest. But if those emotions hijack your ability to think clearly, you may wind up in situations that are not in your best interests over the long haul.  Be ready to be strong, smart and prepared and to accept the inevitable emotions that headed for you both.

Everyone Can Have Bad Days

Individuals learn from experiencing discomfort, even when the discomfort on an emotional level may be very uncomfortable. Trying to overcome or avoid these emotions in a non-beneficial way may end up posing a threat to the conclusions of your divorce as well as custodial and parenting issues as you move forward. Inevitably, a degree of suffering is part of the human experience. Acceptance of that often makes events easier to cope with.  Your spouse may also ratchet down their own emotions if they see you doing the same.

Categorization

Sometimes it is difficult not to constantly think about the pending divorce, but this is not typically productive. Let your divorce attorney handle the details.  A good idea is to categorize your time and set out a schedule to when you will deal with pending case issues. For example, you may decide after a certain time of day you will no longer engage in communication about the divorce. Allocate certain periods of time to focus on other matters such as yourself, your job, your child or children and your friends. Getting into this routine will help you remain fresh and focused when dealing with divorce issues.  Less is more; let the professionals handle your case.

Self-Care

Mind practices like meditation or a spiritual practice, if you ae so inclined may help too. It is important, above all, to live well, eat sensibly and be mindful of your need for sleep. This will help you make more balanced decisions.

Source: Law, Weinberger Divorce & Family. “5 Steps to Emotionally Prepare For Divorce.” Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Group, Weinberger Divorce & Family Law Https://Www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/Wp-Content/Uploads/2017/04/[email protected], 3 Jan. 2017, www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-law-divorce-separation/divorce-emotionally-prepare/.

Asking for a divorce may be one of the hardest things you ever have to do, even more so if you intend on doing so in a manner that is both respectful and peaceful. But when the relationship has broken down and can no longer work, despite the efforts of all involved, it may become inevitable. True, there is no right way to go about doing this. But read on to learn how you can make this tough situation a little easier to navigate.

Preparation

Understanding the emotional state of your spouse can be very helpful. Are they blissfully unaware or maybe they feel the same way you do? Has the topic ever been raised before now? It is wise to try and estimate the most likely responses from your spouse. In these situations, a counselor or therapist who deals with couples may be helpful. They can address your emotional state and even offer words and methods to initiate the conversation. Certainly try counseling before you pull the rip cord.

Timing

Spend time thinking of the location as well as the time where this should happen as well as ensuring any children you may have are not present, so the discussion is not disturbed. Also think of their circumstances, for example if they are dealing with job and/or career stresses or are grieving the recent loss of a family member or friend, it may be best to hold off until those issues are more settled. To not do so risks their reaction being based off other external events rather than the issue at hand.

Children

There is no question a child or children may experience trauma when they see conflicting situations with their parents. A great way to get them prepared is to let them know from the outset you both can work to terminate the marriage as peacefully as possible. Showing parenting support and assuring the child or children they will not become pawns in a fight can be of great benefit.

Gentleness

If you become frustrated and angry at your spouse during the divorce discussion it is not very likely to go well. Bringing up the topic in a manner that is thoughtful with a willingness to listen is a big key into smoothing out this process. Often your spouse may not have spent much time considering divorce whereas you have spent a great deal of time before revealing your decision. So, you may have to make an allowance of time for them to comprehend what you have said to them. They may be in state of shock or denial, and may have trouble cognitively understanding what is happening in that precise moment.

Perspectives

It may well be your partner wants prolonged discussions or to investigate ways to salvage the relationship. You do not have to be in accordance with them but do listen to what they say. Being heard is very important in these circumstances.  It sets the right tone for the upcoming divorce which can save you both time, money and heartache.

Understanding

It is important to realize your partner may not want to get a divorce. This may come at them like a bolt from the blue as they have not had to time to consider the options regarding a divorce or put any thought process into the decision at all. Compassionate empathy is the key here. If they ask for a week or two before responding, give it to them.  You two have come this far, another few weeks will not matter in the end.

Responsibility

It is important to use statements containing “I” as opposed to “you”. Take responsibility for how you feel and think, instead of reflecting it on to the other person. There are bound to be many and varied emotions through this whole process but even the suggestion of placing blame is going to be very unproductive at this stage. Most states are no fault jurisdictions anyway.  If you feel you need to force an issue or a subject, it is time to back down and raise the concern at a later time.

Help

It may be a good idea to utilize the services of a counselor if you feel you need to come up with the bets possible way of asking for a divorce.  Each spouse should certainly consult with a seasoned divorce attorney ideally before divorce communications formally begin with their spouse.

Source: QuinlanHeidi, Heidi, and Heidi. “How to Ask for a Divorce Peacefully.” Best Legal Choices, 19 Dec. 2019, bestlegalchoices.com/how-to-ask-for-a-divorce-peacefully/.