What Are Some Holiday Tips for Parents After Divorce?
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What Are Some Holiday Tips for Parents After Divorce?
The holidays are such an exciting time for children, but they can be tough for divorced parents. A little pre-planning, a positive outlook and good legal help (when you need it) can put you on the road to creating some very special times with your children. Here are a few tips from Canterbury Law Group in Scottsdale:
1. First, look at things from your child’s point of view. It’s not about you. Are you pushing for something to get even with your former spouse, or to make the holiday more enjoyable for your child? Your child needs to come first.
2. Plan out the details and let your children know schedules well ahead of time. It will help them feel more secure and in control. For example, if they are leaving at 9AM Christmas morning to see the other parent, tell them now so that they can be emotionally prepared for the transition that morning.
3. It’s usually best not to divide up an important day. It’s easier to take turns each year. For example Christmas eve with one parent and Christmas day with the other. Chunks of 24 hours work well. Define the exact times for visits. For example, Christmas Eve could be defined as 8AM on the 24th through 8AM on the 25th. This way you avoid misunderstandings.
If your divorce is pending and you do not have a court order in place, your respective attorneys can work out a schedule and request an expedited motion to help you divide your holiday. Ask them to do this now.
- Don’t be afraid to start new traditions. Sometimes old ones can dredge up emotions, or are simply unmanageable for a single parent. It can be really special to make a new ornament together each year or bake cookies for the neighbors instead of cutting your own tree.
- Simplify obligations with extended family. Time should be divided evenly, not based on which parent has more family functions to attend. Be sure to communicate with grandparents and aunts and uncles in advance to avoid drama. Rushing around to see everyone and to attend every family activity can be too stressful.
- Make it easy on your children. Help them shop for your former spouse and encourage them to have a great time with them. Don’t let your child know that you’re feeling down about being alone. Remember it’s about them. They should not carry around your adult issues, those are for you to process and handle.
- Communicate with your former spouse. A brief email or a short call can help avoid duplicate gifts or two nights to view the Nutcracker. The more you and your former spouse can work together, the more likely your children will enjoy their holiday. If wounds are too fresh, use a parent coordinator to aid these communications.
- Don’t compete with your former spouse on the children’s gifts. It overindulges your child, establishes a negative pattern and can drive up debt. Teach your children the true meaning of the holiday. They will long remember the time and attention you give them, not meaningless materialism or goods.
- Be flexible with your plans. Parents can always agree to deviate from what is in the court order. For example, dad can have the kids until 10AM Christmas morning, but mom expects the same consideration next year.
- Have your ex agree in writing, even if it is a simple email, so these details are remembered next year.
- The biggest gift you and your former spouse can give your children over the holidays is a great attitude. If you are able to look at what you have rather than what you have lost, your children will learn a lesson they can carry throughout their lives.
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