Have the Conversation
Regardless of the duration of the marriage, the conversation needs to happen, unless there is an element of personal danger to yourself or your child or children. You cannot just leave the house and never return. It is not acceptable to have the local Sheriff serve a summons before divorce is mentioned.
If there may be a rick your spouse may become violent, have the conversation in a public place or have a witness when you have the discussion. Keep a cell phone handy with “911” pre-programmed and if you must be alone, make sure someone else knows where you are and the purpose of the meeting. You can decide for your child or children to reside somewhere else for a few days if there is a rick of violence.
Consider where and how you will want to have this discussion. A place for privacy is especially important. You do need to tell your spouse in person. This is not a conversation for an email or a text.
You need to be direct in the conversation. You need to resist the urge to blame the spouse or express your disappointment with them. You also need to resist the urge to flaunt the details of any new relationships on the scene.
You need to state clearly there is no chance of reconciliation. Do not opt for the easier option of a “trial separation” as the easier way out if there is no future for the relationship. If you are having an affair, be honest. It is highly likely the truth will come out, regardless.
Picking the right time for the interview is key. Just before your spouse goes to work is not a good idea! Although you may have considered this conversation for a considerable period, if your spouse decides to storm off – you must accept that you prepared for the conversation.
By not saying hurtful things to your spouse or avoiding shaming, arguing, or blaming, you can minimize the possibilities of a fight. If your spouse decides they are up for a fight or responds in an aggressive manner – you can choose to halt the conversation and return to it at a time when both parties are calmer.
Don’t Involve The Kids
Never have your kids present when discussing divorce. Even if a child or children understand the reasons for a divorce, do not involve them in the discussion. Similarly, if your kids are already grown-up, they need to be kept away from the divorce process.
Be Prepared For A Bad Reaction
You can never tell for sure how your spouse will react when you have the conversation. They may become very unsettled and start to argue, or they may withdraw and say nothing. You can only control your own reaction if you are prepared for the conversation.
Practice Your Conversation In Advance
There is no perfect break up regardless of how it may look in the media. So, rehearsing how you will deliver the conversation to your spouse will help you say what you want to say and keep the conversation on track.
Don’t Dive Into Unnecessary Details
You may have considered divorce for many years and worked out your future life in minute detail. However, the divorce discussion does not have to include a moving-out contingency. Nor do you need to mention who will have the kids or property division. If the spouse wants to have that chat, that is fine. But most people are going to need to accept the idea a divorce is wanted before moving forward.
Consider Including Your Spouse In Your Decision
Springing the divorce conversation on your spouse is never a great idea – but you need to understand your spouse may not see the same problems that are glaringly obvious to you. Dropping hints does not usually work. It may also be your spouse does not believe you when you tell them. Regardless of their reaction, this is an exceedingly difficult conversation to have. Yet the way you kick off the divorce proceedings can have a big impact on the outcome.
Need a Divorce Lawyer in Scottsdale or Phoenix?
As proven legal counsel in family court, we have a network of Arizona attorneys, expert witnesses, mediators, tax specialists, estate planners, financial planners, child specialists, real property appraisers, adult and child therapists and parenting coordinators who are here for you if you ever need them. Our lawyers, divorce mediators and collaborative divorce attorneys in Scottsdale are here to make your divorce less stressful and keep you in control and the costs contained. Call today for an initial consultation at 480-744-7711 or [email protected]. Our family lawyers can also help with divorce litigation, child custody, legal guardianship, paternity, prenuptial agreements, and more.
*This information is not intended to be legal advice. Please contact Canterbury Law Group today to learn more about your personal legal needs.