Category Archives: Divorce & Legal Separation

Deciding on a legal separation or a divorce is often a tough and emotional choice to make. There are many things to consider and in this post is a list of reasons couples often experience leading to legal separation or divorce. Every relationship is different and there are often difficult legal issues to handle. A divorce attorney is the person who can best educate you with any outstanding legal issues dealing with divorce and legal separation.

Legal Separation Reasons

• When a couple are not sure if they want to go forward with a divorce, a legal separation can be the way to go as the couple may reconcile, this procedure can be taken-back, which is not the case with a divorce and with the advantage of having no reason to get remarried if you just separate, as the marriage has not gone through a dissolution.
• Often couples choose not to divorce to uphold the vows they made on their wedding day, but legal separation can work if they want to live apart from each other.
• If children are involved, there may be a greater emotional impact on them if a divorce goes through so some couples decide to wait until the children are fully grown before proceeding with a divorce.
• When couples have lengthy separations, it allows enough time for the couples to address matters that will be dealt with in the divorce process such as financial issues and property division. The separation often becomes a time where debts and assets can be untangled as the passage of time goes by.

Divorce Reasons

• When a couple have no plans to ever reconcile, a divorce may be the best way to go.
• A divorce may be for the best if one or both partners are heading into different relationships. Especially as some states say that having sexual relations or dating someone who is not your spouse is adultery. State laws vary greatly on this as do the consequences and how they are applied. For these reasons, if one of the partners intends to date, a divorce may be the best option.

State Laws

There are states who have chosen not to recognize legal separation:

• West Virginia and Maryland use the term “limited divorce” for a legal separation.
• Virginia, New Jersey and Rhode Island call it: “Divorce From Bed And Board.”
• Oklahoma, Michigan, Massachusetts, Georgia and Mississippi do not recognize legal separation but have their own procedures to separate assets while maintaining the marriage.
• North Carolina and South Dakota do not have legal separation options. if you live in those states, you have to follow divorce proceedings.

Source: “Choosing Legal Separation or Divorce – Common Situations.” Rocket Lawyer, https://www.rocketlawyer.com/article/choosing-legal-separation-or-divorce—common-situations.rl.

When the relationship between your spouse and you have broken down, there may be a day when you find they have left home and a divorce notice awaits you as you walk through the door. Read on to learn more about the top ten leading reasons for a divorce.

1. Lack Of Fidelity

Lack of fidelity is the leading cause of most marriage breakdowns ending in divorce. There are many reasons why people may cheat on a spouse such as:

• Differences in sexual appetites
• Missing or lacking emotional intimacy
• Resentment
• Anger

Often a simple friendship is the grass root of infidelity. In some circumstances an emotional affair can lead to the affair becoming physical.  Once things get physical, it’s usually game over by then.  It’s not if you’ll be caught, it’s when.

2. Finances

When a couple have different attitudes to money as well as differing financial goals, spending habits and when one spouse makes inordinately more income than the other – the strain of a marriage can be immense and is recognized as the leading reason for divorce after infidelity

3. Communication Skills

If two partners cannot talk in an effective manner, it is a sure recipe for problems. Lack of communication, shouting and vindictive responses and comments all make an impact on a relationship and need to be abandoned if a marriage is to be saved. When it cannot be saved, it becomes a leading cause for divorce. Constructive communication is difficult to commit to, but in some instances, it can saved and change a marriage for the better.

4. Ongoing Arguments

Couples who go over the same ground in arguments over and over often do so because they feel they are not being listened too. The perception that the other person refuses to see the other persons viewpoint can lead to further arguments – and this again leads to divorce.

5. Gains In Weight

If a spouse has gained a great deal of weight, they may become less physically attractive to their spouse. Although it sounds shallow, the gain of weight also impacts self-image and this may lead into less intimacy than before, causing further problems leading to divorce.

6. Expectations

Often people have very high expectations when they marry – often trying to live up to unrealistic dreams. This can cause a large amount of strain to the other partner in the relationship. It is a recipe for failure. And this inability to match expectations with reality is also a cause for the divorce.

7. Intimacy Issues

When emotional or physical intimacy is lacking, it doesn’t always equal a lack of sex but if there is a feeling of one spouse freezing out the other from aspects of their personal life, it can be very difficult to prolong a marriage. That said, sexual relationships are important and not recognizing the sexual desires of your partner often causes great stress in a marriage, ultimately leading to divorce. Intimacy is the responsibility of both parties in a relationship and when worked on can become a great way for a relationship to grow closer.

8. Equality Issues

When one partner feels a lack of equality in a relationship it becomes one of the most popular reasons for divorce, almost alongside a lack of a physical or emotional intimacy. Resentment can build when there is a feeling that one partner in the relationship is contributing more to the marriage relationship than the other. Nearly fifty percent of divorces happen in the opening ten years from their marriage date, but even more so before the fourth and eighth year of marriages, perhaps a manifestation of the stereotyped “seven-year itch.”

9. Not Ready To be Married

When couples look back following the end of their marriage it is quite common to find out both couples (regardless of age) were not ready to undertake marriage, especially with couples in their twenties.

10. Abusive Situations

Regrettably, abuse be it of an emotional or physical nature is part of life. The abuser may or may not always be bad and there are often issues to blame such as emotional issues that can run very deeply. But no-one should have to put up with any form of abuse and removing yourself, if you have been abused should be paramount.

Source: Warren, Shellie, et al. “10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce.” Best Marriage Advice – Get Marriage Tips from Experts, 13 Dec. 2019, https://www.marriage.com/advice/divorce/10-most-common-reasons-for-divorce/

Divorce is a painful decision to face and then make but there are times it is the only viable way forward. When considering terminating your marriage, you can look for various signs to decide on when it would be best to divorce. Sometimes there are more consequences of a negative nature by staying rather than leaving. Read on to consider the following.

Severity Of Your Arguments

If there are more positive interactions between you both than there are negative ones, it does not automatically mean a divorce is not needed. Hurtful and severe arguing is a key sign it may be time to get a divorce. Some couples maintain relationships that are unhealthy to both parties because they seldom argue but still exhibit abusive and/or hurtful behaviors that are destructive in the relationship. This is especially the case when arguments are reduced to a series of personal insults as opposed to discussing the topic at hand. Arguing is a normal part of any relationship but it should not be almost an everyday occurrence and the other person should not feel devalued during the argument. When conflicts cannot be restored in a way that sticks to the issue at hand, it is a sign you may need to speak to a divorce attorney.

Counseling Is Not Effective

Marriage counseling can be an awesome way to move forward with your spouse as well as having the great benefit of a third party who is impartial and is trained in bringing about resolutions following disputes. It works for many couples, but most partners have to be invested in the process for it to work. If after a few months of counseling, no progress has been made, it may be a sign of it being time to get a divorce.

Abusive Situations

There is never any acceptable excuse for abuse be it, sexual, emotional or physical. When you have been abused you should not feel bad about deciding to leave your abuser. Your child or children will benefit from not being subject to the abuse, or watching it happen A marriage does not represent ownership of the other person. Nobody can rationally dispute abuse as being a totally solid reason to obtain a divorce.

Negative Interactions

For a long time, psychologists have been in unison that the quantity of disagreements is more impactful in a relationship than the severity of interactions. Their ratio is five positive interactions for every negative interaction. Many people weigh positive versus negative when deciding about divorce. Obviously, if the negative interactions are far outweighing the positive ones and have been doing so for some time, then it can be an indicator you should seek a divorce and seek the advice of a divorce attorney.

Differing Beliefs

Couple need to have shared values for a marriage to be successful even if they have separate and different systems of spiritual belief. When the central values of your relationship are no longer in alignment, it will be very difficult, if not impossible, to discover common ground. Looking to the future is often a requirement of divorce and discovering an individual’s concept of the future and ensuring it is agreeable to the other partner is very important. If this cannot be reconciled, it may be a sign a divorce is needed.

Irreconcilable Anger

A good person can commit an action they regret when the pain and anger they’re experiencing becomes too much. This is a clear indicator it is time to move on. If you feel you have to stop yourself from causing harm to your spouse, or even yourself, it is time the relationship was ended. Sometimes, from a mental standpoint, there can seem to be no exit – but you never want to risk abusing your partner.

Lack of Faithfulness

When either or both couples have pursued relationships outside of their marriage, many people see it as a sure sign the time has come to end the marriage. However, divorce is often a matter of choosing the right moment. Marriage counseling may be able to offer insight as to whether you can survive the impact and effects of an affair or whether you should be considering divorce. Trust is sacrificed in a relationship when one party is unfaithful and that often leads to divorce as an inevitable outcome.

Relationship Exhaustion

This is often the sign that clinches in your min d that you require a divorce. Having gone through all the steps to rescue your relationship, sometimes your emotional wellbeing can only be saved by a divorce. However, when a party or perhaps both parties have checked out of a relationship on an emotional level, it becomes highly unlikely you will find an answer to your outstanding issues.

Other Indicators

It is not uncommon for individuals to seek and speak with a divorce attorney before they have decided to divorce. Indeed, it is not unknown for individuals or couples to do so even when going through the process of marriage counseling. This may seem odd but often a divorce attorney can be a highly valued resource for information about how and when to divorce and if a legal separation would work or not. They may even suggest separation on a temporary basis to give both parties some space to consider their options. This often brings couples back together.

Source: Rangel, Julie, et al. “When to Divorce: 9 Signs You Need to Get Out.” GuideDoc, 11 Feb. 2018, https://guidedoc.com/when-to-divorce.

When it comes to considering divorce, you need to know what to do prior to filing your case. The following should assist in the preparation for a divorce as well as making sure your financial needs are protected as the divorce commences and proceeds. The more on top of these issues you can be before your file, the easier it will be for your attorney to understand the nature of your case. Read on to learn more.

1. Put Money Aside

As divorces can be very expensive (even more so if you want to hire the services of an attorney) it is vitally important to start saving money now, so you are able to meet all of your obligations once the divorce has been finalized.  Consider saving ‘cash’ and placing in a safe place so that you know your spouse will not take the funds.

2. Open Another Account

Opening an individual and a separate bank account is a very wise idea and if you receive a paycheck have it (or at least a portion of it) deposited into this new account where your spouse does not have access to the funds. While the money is likely still community property, at least you have direct control over the cash flow before you file the case.

3. Watch Spending

It will be a requirement to reduce your expenses that are not essential. Now is not the time to make significant purchases or buy gifts and presents as the divorce preparation is underway.

4. Joint Accounts

It is time to close any joint accounts you have. If credit cards are jointly held by your spouse and yourself, it is time they were canceled or the name of one of the partners be taken off the account. In the case of a joint bank account, consider splitting the money and then closing the account to invest in your own individual account.  Change online passwords for banking on the day you file.

5. Family Finances

It is paramount to keep a good track on the finances of your family. This should include the income of both spouses as well as debts, expenses and assets.

6. Financial Documentation

Start making copies of financial documents that will be important. In this, include pay stubs, bank account statements and credit card statements, as well as receipts for significant purchases you have made and tax returns.  If your spouse “keeps you in the dark” on finances, its time to get wise, ideally before you file.

7. Protecting Documents

It is wise not to keep your financial documents at home. Consider opening a safe deposit box with yourself as the only name on the box as well as being the sole keyholder. Alternatively, you may use the home of a trusted family member. Down the road, the documents may be of great importance as you go through the many aspects of the divorce process.

8. Tracking Child Interaction

Tracking important information now such as writing down who takes your child or children to their extracurricular interests and other important appointments may be of great benefit if you are anticipating there to be a dispute for the custody of your child or children.

9. Police Records

If there are any drug evaluations or police reports that may indicate one spouse should not have custody of your children – it is important to keep this documentation secure and away from home.  If you don’t have copies, go back to the local police station and ask for duplicates.

10. School Details

Contact the schools your child or children attend and get records of which parent attended conferences with teachers as well as attending school functions. This may be a key to establishing how much you are involved in the lives of your child or children.

11. Stay Put

Although it may be tempting do not move from the home and reside elsewhere unless there is violence in the current home. Above all, try to stay with your child or children in the home until the divorce is finalized. Courts on occasions will consider this and give more parenting time to the parent who does this when it comes to awarding custody.

12. Divorce Attorneys

Now is the time to look for and establish a relationship with a divorce attorney. Try several different attorneys and maybe ask for recommendations from your friends. Feeling comfortable with your choice of divorce attorney is a key ingredient to success. It’s a lot like choosing a doctor, or therapist, there must be mutual comfort and respect.

13. Financial Planning

Make some appointments to see some financial professionals at the outset of your divorce process – this may include a financial planner and/or an accountant. These financial specialists can help you with the upcoming economic outcome of your divorce once it is finalized.

14. Emotional Well-Being

The divorce process can take a huge toll on your emotional well-being. Consulting with a therapist can really help maintain your health and taking the time to speak to a child therapist will also assist in making your children feel as less stress as possible as the divorce proceeds.

Source: Gambone, Angie. “How to Prepare for Divorce While Married.” LegalZoom Legal Info, 18 July 2016, https://info.legalzoom.com/prepare-divorce-married-25040.html.

The average retainer fee for a divorce lawyer is $3,500 with costs varying from $2,000 to $5,000 for the US.

When you are thinking about getting the services of a divorce lawyer, the cost of doing so is a question that often weighs heavily. We conducted a survey where people from across the United States who had recently gone through a divorce had to spend. Read on to learn more.

In our survey 85% of our respondents had the lawyers deal with the total divorce case, from its outset to its conclusion. This is often referred to as full-scope representation. The other 15% responded saying they hired attorneys on a consulting basis. In these cases, the lawyers may have helped in some of the following ways: They may have reviewed a portion of the case on their behalf, give other advice and examples of established practice as well as reviewing and preparing a settlement agreement. Interestingly, the average cost as reported by 70% of our respondents was between $200 to $300 per hour for divorce attorneys.

Divorce Lawyers’ Average Hourly Rates

Respondents stated they paid an average of $270 per hour for the services of a divorce attorney as a national average. However hourly rates change dramatically based on the experience of the attorney where they practice and whether they have any certifications or specialized training.

Average Divorce Attorney Cost

When our respondents hired lawyers for full-scope services they reported paying an average of $11,300. Many were lower, but the average is inflated by a small percentage paying very high fees for said services. The median total was $7,000. 42 percent of respondents stated they paid $5,000 or less in total fees to their divorce attorneys. And 28 percent paid between $6,000 to $10,000 in attorney’s fees (not counting the fees of their spouse.)

Examining the data two interconnected factors are at play contributing to the final costs. First, couples always paid less when they were able to resolve any disputes without going through a trial and how long the divorce process took. Conversely, respondents who had at least one issue that had to be contested in court paid around 70 percent more in attorney’s fees.

Cost Factors of A Contested Divorce

It would therefore stand to reason that when there are not serious disagreements, the fees for attorneys will be significantly less – even when you may have to come to a settlement on a few matters via negotiation. Respondents who reported zero contested issues but still opted for a full scope legal service paid $4,000 per spouse on average in fees, versus $10,400 when they had one item that was disputed but avoided going to court be utilizing a process of negotiation. But when a trial was needed the fees leapt up more than 70 percent to around $17,700 per spouse on average.

Divorce Costs More If It Takes Longer

The longer your divorce takes the more fees you will pay to a divorce attorney. We also learned from our respondents that divorces that took less than six months to conclude only cost an average of $6,500. Compare that to cases that took more than thirty months to resolve and the average skyrocketed to $23,000. Remember, there can be many reasons why this can be an elongated process – so finding a lawyer who is efficient and highly experienced will help keep the costs of your divorce within a reasonable scope.

What Do Lawyers Charge For?

Attorneys often bill in increments of six or fifteen minutes for each and everything they do in your case including:

• Research and documentation review.
• Prepping and appearing at the hearings and trial(s.)
• Every communication you have with them through every media.
• Preparing settlement agreements.
• Investigative discovery, depositions and motion hearings.
• Communicating with the other involved parties.
• The relevant follow-up legal work after the trial concludes.

Average Retainer Fees For A Divorce Lawyer

It is standard operating procedure for a lawyer to get an advance on their fees (known as a retainer.) These usually cost between $2,000 to $5,000. Around 90% of our respondents said they paid a retainer upon hiring their new divorce attorney.

Sharing Divorce Costs

In the majority of states, a family law judge may insist one spouse pay the attorney fees of the other spouse. This is especially so when there is a large disparity in income and one spouse is it a disadvantage. Nonetheless, less than one in five of our respondents claimed their ex contributed to the fees of an attorney or that they paid some of the fees for the ex-spouse.

Inevitably some divorces are more expensive than others. If evaluators are needed for custody issues and forensic accountants needed to investigate financial matters. Our respondent data showed the average cost was $1,850 for each spouse just for the experts. Whereas non-attorney costs were just $500. Add in a contested issue and the price can quickly escalate to an average of $1,600 and an average of $2,750 should the situation have to be handled by the courts.

If you need mediators, the mediation charges will usually be billed to you by your attorney. Your fee agreement will state how these should be handled and paid. Always discuss financial issues at the outset of your initial meeting with an attorney and along the way, as your case advances forward.

The average cost of an uncontested divorce is $750 with prices ranging from $100 to $1,500 for the US in 2019-2020.

A large amount of money can be saved if your spouse and you can agree to divorce, how the divorce will take place and how your lives are going to be separated. This situation often leads to what is known as an “uncontested divorce.” The total cost will be determined by several aspects. If you have no issue with becoming a part of the legal procedures of your state, the cost may well be under $500. It will obviously be higher if you utilize the services of an attorney.

Uncontested Divorce

An uncontested divorce can be handy if the following has been agreed on by both partners:

• How custody, parenting responsibilities and parenting time will be shared.
• The duration and total amount of child support payments.
• The duration and total of spousal support payments also known as alimony.
• How all property will be divided.
• How all debt will be divided.

Once all of these items have been agreed to, there is no need to take your arguments to court. The way to wrap up your divorce case is to file the required court forms as well as a “divorce settlement agreement” detailing the agreed arrangements for the aspects discussed above.  These papers can also be called a proposed “decree” and “joint parenting plan” if there are children.

DIY Divorce

When you have decided the best option is not to use an attorney – there are two choices open to you. For less than a few hundred dollars, you can usually purchase what is often called a “divorce kit” – a commercial product availably widely online – they will include all the required forms for the state you live in but it is important to know that despite this commercial paid option, most, if not all, of the mandatory forms are usually available without cost on judicial websites in your County. More often than not, they also come with instructions for filling the documents in correctly.

Cost of Uncontested Divorce With a Lawyer

When you have decided to use the services of a lawyer, the cost of a divorce that is uncontested will vary depending on the lawyer you hire, where you reside and the fee/payment arrangement. Flat fees are often charged by attorneys for cases of uncontested divorces. However, some attorneys prefer to charge retainer fees. These are deposits billed (usually on a monthly basis_ against the value of any services and hours that have been rendered in the case. Flat fees, depending on the complexity of your situation can run from $200 to about $1,500 per person. Retaining an attorney is likely to bring rates ranging from $250 to $450 per hour, billed against your initial deposit. Do not be surprised that attorneys in large population centers charge more money than attorneys in rural locations.

Additional Costs

Regardless of your methodology you can expect further court imposed costs. The state court will charge a fee for the filing of a divorce petition and you can expect to pay around $350. If you want to use the services of a private processor sheriff to deliver the petition to your former partner, you can expect to pay anywhere between $35 to $100. In most areas this fee can be waived if your spouse is amicable. They can sign off on a waiver of service indicating acceptance of the petition and this can then be filed with the appropriate court. Nonetheless, it is a wise idea to budget an additional $300 to $350 for additional costs you may encounter.

Other Divorce Options

Some other options on the table to help reduce the expense of an uncontested divorce include hiring legal services who will assemble and prepare the relevant paperwork on your behalf – usually with a price tag of around $300 to $500. You can pay an attorney by the hour for them to review the paperwork as well – hence avoiding a costly retainer charge for them to review pre-agreed and specified services.

Source: Bishop, Susan. “Basics of the Uncontested Divorce.” Www.divorcenet.com, Nolo, 12 Sept. 2013, https://www.divorcenet.com/resources/divorce/basics-uncontested-divorce.htm.

See Also:

• The Uncontested Divorce Process
• Divorce Without Court Appearance